Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
