I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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