It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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