Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
