I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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