She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My pussy is not your playground.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
