How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
