Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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