Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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