i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he shaved USA in his pubs
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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