he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
