my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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