I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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