you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
