This is not my ceiling
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
