u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
