every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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