I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
