we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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