We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
