so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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