my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
