im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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