I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
