I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
