Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
