so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
