if you like me you must not know who I am
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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