he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
