Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i believe in u and ur pee
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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