Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
