areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have already put on my inside pants.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
