if you like me you must not know who I am
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
