Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
