just come out here and I will go home with you...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
