If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
