I want to stick my p in your. b.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
