If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
