the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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