I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
