Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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