are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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