Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
