Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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