is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
