Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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