He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
