i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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