i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
