can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
pray to the hookup gods
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
